Bullying

This post was inspired by a situation I witnessed at the local lakeside (I'm on vacation). Two boys of about the age of ten were playing by the lake. Another pair of about the same age girls were swimming in the lake. Suddenly one of the boys threw the other one's shoes into the water. Then he kept saying that "go and fetch them before they drift too far." Well, they drifted too far. Both of the boys had their clothes on and weren't very keen to get into the water. Then they tried to get the girls, who were swimming, to fetch the shoes. There was plenty of bargaining, but in the end I asked my four-year-old to fetch the shoes with her float.

Later we witnessed the bully trying to push the other one to the lake and in addition throw his shirt and pushing his bicycle there also. He also managed to somehow make a small wound into the other one's hand. When they were about to leave they had a conversation about what the bullied one would tell home about the wound. I didn't hear the conversation well, but this was the only time the bully was feeling a bit uneasy. When they left, he made the final favor of kicking the other one's bicycle helmet around.

I feel ashamed because I didn't stop this. We merely said to them that that doesn't seem like a nice way to treat people nor equipment. But for the most part we just watched silently how this cruel play happened. Inside I felt like I would like to throw the bully into the lake and ask the other one why he thinks this guy is his friend anyway. But I didn't.

The scene reminded me of this video I had seen earlier:

Fortunately this isn't everyday life at workplaces (hopefully). Management is responsible for the well being of employees. This also means that management must stop this kind of abusive behavior right away. Doing this isn't easy or comfortable and most people will evade intervening like I did in this case. But it is the role of the management to do it.

When I was thinking about possible remedies for this I first came up with transparency. Usually the bullies try to work in secrecy. Out in the open the bullying is a lot harder. But in the particular case of these two boys I would just recommend ditching that other guy. No-one deserves to be treated that way. And most certainly not by a "friend". If the same happened in a (work) relationship, I would recommend doing the same.

For me personally the scene served as a chance to educate my own children about the real world. Everyone doesn't always play nice. But it's good to identify the persons and situations and hopefully be able to handle those if the time comes. Unfortunately I also demonstrated that grown-ups aren't always much of a help either. I need to shape up on this when my kids go to school..